... diehards like me have learned the worst.

Andre Gurode's farts stink so bad that the CIA, which doesn't inform Congress of attempts to kill murderous terrorists, is studying their chemical composition in an effort to devise a gas weapon to be used against the Taliban.

The would-be weapon is not covered by international arms conventions that outlaw nerve gas, so Gurode will now fall under Secret Service protection.

The silent-but-very-very-deadly flatulence has now been officially blamed for the Dallas playoff loss against Seattle.

The shocking revelation hit international news wires on Thursday, but Google, Yahoo and Bing took it off their search engines.

My attempts at finding this breaking news story was the...

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