Published on: 5th November, 2009
Have you ever seen that one Jim Carrey movie? It wasn't the one where he solves pet crimes, or the one where he finds a mask, or even the one where him and Jeff Daniels prove that IQ is just a state of mind. Huh? So I guess I answered my own question ...Published on: 26th October, 2009
There are plenty of reasons the Miami Dolphins lost on Sunday. Ted Ginn's drops. Chad Henne's inexperience. The New Orleans Saints' unstoppable offense. Tony Sparano's record skipping a beat. The hastily prepared jambalaya they had for lunch. The lack of clean towels. People thought the Miami Dolphins could win this football ...Published on: 22nd October, 2009
Bill Parcells. Oh, you sly fox. People may be fooled into thinking this Miami-New Orleans game is just about football. But it's so much more. It's two sons fighting for their father's affections, and it's going to be a bitter family affair. I'll elaborate. Bill Parcells was a football coach. He was a great football ...Published on: 15th October, 2009
The Miami Dolphins and New York Jets continued their fine tradition of hating each other by playing a very entertaining Monday nighter. Really the only words for it was: couch-defying. As in, I defied gravity's influence towards me on the couch, as the game launched me off it with Ronnie Brown's game-winning touchdown. I was like ...Published on: 8th October, 2009
Two weeks ago, Chad Pennington got hurt. Miami fans everywhere were screaming a) Chad Henne! b) Pat White! or c) NOOOOOOO! Henne was the only quarterback the Fins had available to suit up against the Chargers that afternoon; Pat White being inactive. Why was White inactive? Why were so many fans' ...Published on: 5th October, 2009
First things first. I'm taking nothing away from the New England Patriots, who went out and tamed the Baltimore Ravens in a humbling manner. Humbling. The Pats have gone out and humbled two good sophomore quarterbacks in consecutive weeks. Matt Ryan and Joe Flacco played decent games. But they were humbled. Even the New York ...Published on: 2nd October, 2009
I don't think I've ever been more scared to watch football than I am to watch this Sunday. And it's not because my TV is situated on an Indian burial ground. Because that's just not the correct term (it's Native American, no?). It's because I'm afraid the Miami Dolphins are irrevocably terrible. And the ...Published on: 28th September, 2009
I'll be blunt: the most excited I got all Sunday was when Chad Pennington's nose exploded. Not because of my insatiable bloodlust, because you know, it's insatiable. But because I saw evidence that blood actually ran through the Dolphins instead of motor oil. Pennington played an entire drive looking like he'd just squared off against George Foreman. ...Published on: 22nd September, 2009
I've run such a gamut of emotion since Monday night that my schizophrenia developed schizophrenia. And we're actually quite happy now. Being an optimist is hard, especially when pessimism is easier than me after a few beers. That being said, I'm quite comfortable with the Miami Dolphins' current predicament. And it's a ...Published on: 15th September, 2009
Lost in the trauma that was Week 1, was something very reassuring. The Miami Dolphins have a whale of a run defense. (That will be the first of many nautical puns in my Dolphin writing career.) Long ago, before Dan Marino ever fixed a rocket to his arm, the founders of football decided ...